the frank and fritzy show

EPISODE 39

The ravages of age are taking their toll on members of the Genovese crime family. Fritzy's struggling with his weight and blood pressure, but at least his neck doesn't jiggle. And Father Time has left Dominick "Quiet Dom" Cirillo looking like a circus performer. Frank, however, believes the secret to youth lies in a tiny pill. Note that a break in the tape is marked by a short piano interlude. (5:53)

Listen here:

FRITZY: Federico "Fritzy" Giovanelli
FRANK: Frank "Frankie California" Condo
UI: Unintelligible

Fritzy: Hello?

Frank: Hello, I'm, it's about time you're home.

Fritzy: Yeah, whattya mean, it's about time I'm home? I've been home all the time.

Frank: [Aside to Helen, his gal] Ya hear 'em?

Fritzy: Whattya doin'? Where were you yesterday?

Frank: Puttin' up the berry trees now?

Fritzy: Yeah, well, no Tuesday.

Frank: All berries around, huh?

Fritzy: Yeah, that's right.

Frank: And when you walk you pick, huh?

Fritzy: Well, I, ya know, they'll get, they'll grow big and then I could climb a little bit.

Frank: Yeah?

Fritzy: Yeah. Then I could climb high.

Frank: [Aside] All berries around his house, they could eat.

Fritzy: Well, not yet. They, they're, the bloom won't come until the spring.

Frank: How do you feel, pal?

Fritzy: Very good.

Frank: I got back. I just missed ya.

Fritzy: I got a B-12 shot yesterday and...

Frank: Yeah?

Fritzy: ...it's startin' to pick me up. It gave me a nice boost.

Frank: No kiddin'?

Fritzy: Yeah. Gave me a big help.

Frank: [UI]

Fritzy: [UI] Yeah?

Frank: [Aside] Helen, give me my B-12 over there, by the way. Hurry up. That just remind me, I have a very small bottle there.

Fritzy: Yeah, but you, you're takin' a B-12 from the bottle. I got a syringe, I got.

Frank: I got the syringe here. Helen, tell 'em what I got. I got everything.

Fritzy: You got the syringe?

Frank: I got a B-12 over here.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: It's 1000 milligrams.

Fritzy: Yeah, but that ain't enough.

Frank: It goes under the tongue.

Fritzy: Oh, yeah?

Frank: It's a, it's, it's a little midget.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: It's very, very powerful.

Fritzy: Oh. Do you get a rise? I mean do you, ya feel yourself, the power come right away?

Frank: Power?

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: Whattya think this? [UI] power? I got my woman here, she's worn out. [UI] She knows it, too. She's too old for me.

Fritzy: Eh, marone a mi.

Frank: Watch, as soon as they hit, uh, 38, they're goin' up to 40...

Fritzy: Marone, get rid of 'em, huh?

Frank: Yeah, I gotta put this under my tongue now, see?

Fritzy: Yeah? Mamma mi. The powerhouse.

Frank: She knows.

Fritzy: Where were you yesterday? I was down there.

Frank: My mother's, I went.

Fritzy: Yeah, he said that. He said, "He musta went to see his mother." Ya know?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Eh, we were there for a few hours.

Frank: Yeah, I went to see her.

Fritzy: Yeah, how is she?

Frank: Alright.

Fritzy: She's good, she's, I mean she's bein' stabilized?

Frank: Yeah, ya know, she's struggling along and this and that there.

Fritzy: But, she understands, or what?

Frank: No, don't understand.

Fritzy: She don't understand. Eh.

Frank: No.

Fritzy: Eh.

Frank: Don't understand.

Fritzy: Ehh.

Frank: How do you feel, alright?

Fritzy: I'm tellin' ya, I'm comin' along nice.

Frank: [UI]

Fritzy: I'm takin' the, I got the new medication, ya know? But, the bottom number's my trouble. But that bottom number, God damn it.

Frank: What's the matter?

Fritzy: Well, I'm 120 over 105.

Frank: The bottom is good, 120 is good.

Fritzy: The top one is good. The top one is good. That's down...

Frank: You're 120 over what?

Fritzy: I'm 120 over 105, then it goes down to 97. I gotta walk.

Frank: No. If you're 120, say you're 120 over 80, that's...

Fritzy: That's, that, hey, that, that...

Frank: That's what I am, 120 over 80...

Fritzy: Ah, you're nor, you're great. You got good blood pressure.

Frank: One twenty over 80, sometimes...

Fritzy: I got, my heart labors. See, my heart, my heart, that's the one that's gotta, the beat between.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: See, the beat between to push the blood. Yours is good, there's a 40, 40 point span.

Frank: Uh-huh.

Fritzy: One twenty over 80 is great. Mine, it's too close together.

Frank: Uh-huh.

Fritzy: See. So, I gotta get the second one down. That's gonna take a lot of work, but I gotta do it when I'm strong, not when I'm laboring doing...

Frank: Soon as you get the weight off ya...

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: It'll be another [UI], that'll tell...

Fritzy: That'll come down another 10...

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: ...10, 15, 20.

Frank: [UI]

Fritzy: So, I, I'm down 20 pounds. Ten more pounds, when I get that, and then I gotta constantly exercise. I gotta walk a lot. You see what you got over there?

Frank: Uh-huh.

Fritzy: You don't drive. You walk up, you walk down. You up, you're down, you're walkin' all the time.

Frank: I'm walkin', yeah.

Fritzy: You got the greatest thing goin'. I'm never walkin'.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: I drive for two hours to get somewhere. I finally get out, I come there.

Frank: You walk...

Fritzy: I'm tired from drivin', I'm sitting.

Frank: Mmm.

Fritzy: You follow?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: That's been my God damn trouble. I just...

Frank: [UI] exercise.

Fritzy: I gotta just, get, get rid of the car.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: I gotta walk.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: I gotta walk to and from, and that's it.

***

Fritzy: Three, four more weeks I'll be down another 10 pounds, my God.

Frank: That's it. Take it easy, not fast.

Fritzy: No, no, now I'm goin' easy. I'm 197.

Frank: Good. Now, nice and easy.

Fritzy: So now, I'll, I'll break the 90 and I'll go to 189.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: And then nice and easy, down the line I go and I'll try to grab a pound, a half a pound at a time.

Frank: Yeah, nice and slow.

Fritzy: Slow. But once I got all that off, when I'm in the...

Frank: One ninety would be good for you.

Fritzy: One ninety.

Frank: Right?

Fritzy: One ninety's better than 220.

Frank: Right. What was your weight before? What were ya...

Fritzy: Two seventeen, 218.

Frank: No, what was your normal weight when I first met you?

Fritzy: One eighty three.

Frank: One eighty three.

Fritzy: That was my weight.

Frank: Well, 185 is good.

Fritzy: Yeah, but, ya know.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: The age is there now.

Frank: I know. But, you, ya, ya, your skin is good, though.

Fritzy: Oh, yeah. Forget about it, I look like a young buck.

Frank: Ya haven't got the chicken neck.

Fritzy: I ain't got the chicken neck. See, I'm losin' weight. No neck, I keep comin' in, no chicken.

Frank: I went to see Quiet Dom yesterday, too, ya know?

Fritzy: Yeah? How is, how is he? He's alright?

Frank: He looked like Emmett the Clown.

Fritzy: Yeah? What was he doin'?

Frank: He got the pair of suspenders on, and old pants...

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: I says, "Look at him."

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: "He never dresses up."

Fritzy: Yeah? Emmett the Clown.

Frank: You should see 'em with the suit and the tie.

Fritzy: Emmett Kelly.

Frank: Emmett Kelly.

Fritzy: And if he has a few scotches his nose gets red.

Frank: Marone.

Fritzy: He don't have to put the rouge on.

Frank: He's all wrinkled up. I says, "What happened to you? You're shrinkin', your head is gettin' like a little, uh, like those little dolls with the wrinkles."

Fritzy: The age is comin'.

Frank: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fritzy: The age. You, you're the only guy withstanding age down there.

Frank: He's, he's got [Italian] ya know?

Fritzy: Yeah, huh?

Frank: The, the little bird is out flyin', ya know?

Fritzy: Marone.

Frank: [UI] that's what it is. He sits and he just, he's like eatin' himself out.

Fritzy: Well, I got news for ya.

Frank: That's his only love, he says.

Fritzy: I got news for ya. That's what happens, that's how, and that's no good 'cause you get sick. You know, right now...

Frank: ...my baby over here.

Fritzy: Good for you.

Frank: She knows it. Well, I gotta get another spring chicken. I'm...

Fritzy: [Aside to Carol, his wife] Well, we gotta take that chicken out, we'll put. Wait, I got chicken. Talkin' about chickens. We're gonna put them under the grill.

Frank: Put, uh, Carol on.

Fritzy: Take the whole pan. Onto the pan. Yeah, wait a minute. Alright, here, I'm gonna give you Carol. Wait.

Frank: Okay.

Fritzy: I'll take care of it.

Frank: I'll see ya, uh, Tuesday.

Fritzy: Okay. Here, hang on, bye-bye.