EPISODE 21

Citing his years of disease-free survival in the jungle, ex-soldier Frank thinks Fritzy's fear of contracting AIDS from a Chinatown acupuncturist is simply paranoia. Speaking of jungles and "catching things," Fritzy offers up some unorthodox hunting tips, explaining anew the expression "a deer in the headlights." (6:29)

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FRITZY: Federico "Fritzy" Giovanelli
FRANK: Frank "Frankie California" Condo
UI: Unintelligible

Fritzy: Hello?

Frank: Fritz the Cat. How are you?

Fritzy: The Mad Hatter. How are ya?

Frank: Where the hell have you been?

Fritzy: Oh, I've been around.

Frank: You've been around? You're never home. I call and call.

Fritzy: Yeah, I'm home. I'm home. You don't call.

Frank: Huh?

Fritzy: If you call, you get me.

Frank: I don't get you. [UI] Annin [Italian for Anna, Fritzy's mother]

Fritzy: [UI] call me. You, you called Annin.

Frank: Annin I get, not you.

Fritzy: Annin has got to go the doctor.

Frank: What's the matter?

Fritzy: Nah, well, she has to have the bladder lifted maybe, you know?

Frank: Yeah?

Fritzy: I'm takin' her Thursday, I'm takin' her.

Frank: How do you feel?

Fritzy: Eh, I got, I got a lotta trouble with the sciatica in the back.

Frank: Sciatica.

Fritzy: You're laughin'. You laugh, like a, you can't walk and the pain. You, you laughin'. When you, you went and got operated on on your back, right?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Well, you had pain? Alright?

Frank: Pain? I was crippled.

Fritzy: Alright? Whattya think I am? I walkin' around [In Italian, like I'm upside down] over here.

Frank: You're bending over.

Fritzy: Forget about it. I got the belt. I just got back from the chiropractor.

Frank: She's stickin' the needles in the thing.

Fritzy: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Frank: You gotta go to Kong.

Fritzy: To who?

Frank: Kong, on the East Side.

Fritzy: I told ya, he'll give ya AIDS with the needle.

Frank: Nah, give [UI]. This guy went there, they were gonna take his spleen out.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: You know the guy that passes by with the glasses? I says, "This guy's a karate guy." He says, "Forget about the hospitals and doctor. I went to King Kong and forget about it."

Fritzy: Yeah. Everybody that's young without a disease and has a little problem...

Frank: Listen to this. He had his wrist.

Fritzy: Yeah, yeah.

Frank: He couldn't bend it. He had a lump in the middle of the wrist, a lump on the side of it. He couldn't bend his wrist at a certain angle. He went to doctors, "Well, we'll have to operate." He went to Kong, Kong says, "Relax my son and think of the ocean and the stars." He put the needles in there, tinga, tunga, tung. The bump went away and his hand is back to normal.

Fritzy: You think so?

Frank: Yes.

Fritzy: You know, you're convincin' me to go, I'll tell ya the truth.

Frank: Hey, you got nothin' to lose. What do you got to lose?

Fritzy: I don't like, I gotta watch this guy boil the needles. That's all.

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