Fritzy: Hello?
Frank: Fritz the Cat. How are you?
Fritzy: The Mad Hatter. How are ya?
Frank: Where the hell have you been?
Fritzy: Oh, I've been around.
Frank: You've been around? You're never home. I call and call.
Fritzy: Yeah, I'm home. I'm home. You don't call.
Frank: Huh?
Fritzy: If you call, you get me.
Frank: I don't get you. [UI] Annin [Italian for Anna, Fritzy's mother]
Fritzy: [UI] call me. You, you called Annin.
Frank: Annin I get, not you.
Fritzy: Annin has got to go the doctor.
Frank: What's the matter?
Fritzy: Nah, well, she has to have the bladder lifted maybe, you know?
Frank: Yeah?
Fritzy: I'm takin' her Thursday, I'm takin' her.
Frank: How do you feel?
Fritzy: Eh, I got, I got a lotta trouble with the sciatica in the back.
Frank: Sciatica.
Fritzy: You're laughin'. You laugh, like a, you can't walk and the pain. You, you laughin'. When you, you went and got operated on on your back, right?
Frank: Yeah.
Fritzy: Well, you had pain? Alright?
Frank: Pain? I was crippled.
Fritzy: Alright? Whattya think I am? I walkin' around [In Italian, like I'm upside down] over here.
Frank: You're bending over.
Fritzy: Forget about it. I got the belt. I just got back from the chiropractor.
Frank: She's stickin' the needles in the thing.
Fritzy: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Frank: You gotta go to Kong.
Fritzy: To who?
Frank: Kong, on the East Side.
Fritzy: I told ya, he'll give ya AIDS with the needle.
Frank: Nah, give [UI]. This guy went there, they were gonna take his spleen out.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Frank: You know the guy that passes by with the glasses? I says, "This guy's a karate guy." He says, "Forget about the hospitals and doctor. I went to King Kong and forget about it."
Fritzy: Yeah. Everybody that's young without a disease and has a little problem...
Frank: Listen to this. He had his wrist.
Fritzy: Yeah, yeah.
Frank: He couldn't bend it. He had a lump in the middle of the wrist, a lump on the side of it. He couldn't bend his wrist at a certain angle. He went to doctors, "Well, we'll have to operate." He went to Kong, Kong says, "Relax my son and think of the ocean and the stars." He put the needles in there, tinga, tunga, tung. The bump went away and his hand is back to normal.
Fritzy: You think so?
Frank: Yes.
Fritzy: You know, you're convincin' me to go, I'll tell ya the truth.
Frank: Hey, you got nothin' to lose. What do you got to lose?
Fritzy: I don't like, I gotta watch this guy boil the needles. That's all.
Frank: What do you got to lose?
Fritzy: You got, this guy'll give you AIDS. Don't forget, them needles...
Frank: [UI]
Fritzy: If he gives me brand new needles and he throws them away, okay.
Frank: How's he gonna give ya AIDS?
Fritzy: He gives ya them needles over there.
Frank: [UI] youse are gonna all die. Youse all worryin' about AIDS.
Fritzy: Yeah, well.
Frank: I, when I was in the fuckin' jungles there was elephantiasis.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Frank: Typhus.
Fritzy: Yeah, I know.
Frank: Black water fever.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Frank: Leeches comin' from the trees. A hundred and forty degrees.
Fritzy: Yeah, but ya still took your chances.
Frank: And I lived in the trenches.
Fritzy: Ya still took your chance and maked one of those natives.
Frank: I never touched 'em. They stink. AIDS? Forget about it.
Fritzy: That's what I'm talkin' about. We've been humpin' the natives over here, look what they done to us. Alright? Mannaggia marone! I hear chitter-chatter in the background.
Frank: She says I even go in the bathroom in the dark, I wash myself. I says that's from in the jungles, there was no light.
Fritzy: You wash in the dark.
Frank: I lived in the dark, underneath the sky for so many years.
Fritzy: Yeah, my, my girlfriend does the same thing. Washes in the dark.
Frank: I lived in the jungles and had no lights for years.
Fritzy: I know your history there. You don't have to start givin' me your history again.
Frank: They used to call me Jungle Jim.
Fritzy: Jungle Jim? Jungle Frank. Frank Buck. Bring 'em back alive.
Frank: Ol' Pasquale, he asked for ya.
Fritzy: Yeah, how is he?
Frank: Alright.
Fritzy: Everybody alright?
Frank: He went on a safari again, he didn't get nothin'. He comes back five pounds heavier every time he goes up there.
Fritzy: Where'd he go? He went huntin' for the deer?
Frank: Rickie says he leaves with his son on a Friday and they come back Saturday.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Frank: Or Thursday they leave.
Fritzy: Yeah, that's good. That, ya know.
Frank: He goes in the store, he loads up his trunk of the car.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Frank: With steaks, bacon, eggs, bread.
Fritzy: They eat like horses for two days.
Frank: He buys enough food for a month, she says.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Frank: He comes back, fat as a horse.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Frank: He didn't even, he saw two da, two does.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Frank: And a big deer.
Fritzy: They didn't do...
Frank: ...the three of them, he was sittin' down.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Frank: And they bunk right into him and, and they stopped and they stared.
Fritzy: He shoulda went up by my property, he shoulda went. He's got carte blanche to go all over the property there.
Frank: Huh?
Fritzy: Ya know?
Frank: He went where Danny is.
Fritzy: Wha, which Danny?
Frank: Danny up there. You know Danny.
Fritzy: He coulda went further.
Frank: Danny and Joey there.
Fritzy: Yeah, but he coulda went further up. They're not clo, they're, they're too close.
Frank: They got a cabin and everything. They got a place up there. Nice, they eat, they cook. He...
Fritzy: Oh yeah?
Frank: He takes care of them.
Fritzy: Oh, that's good. That's good.
Frank: Yeah.
Fritzy: He went, Danny went huntin' too?
Frank: No, he stays there. He watches the...
Fritzy: Oh yeah?
Frank: He does the cookin'.
Fritzy: Uh-huh. And they go out?
Frank: Yeah.
Fritzy: Why don't you go? That woulda done you good.
Frank: Are you crazy?
Fritzy: Why?
Frank: They go up there and freeze and eat. They go up there to eat.
Fritzy: Is that all they do?
Frank: They're goin' with buckshot. Who wants to go, I'd like to go with the rifle.
Fritzy: They don't go...
Frank: That's with the twelve gauge.
Fritzy: They go with buckshot.
Frank: Pump and ball.
Fritzy: What the hell are they huntin' for?
Frank: That's a ball. They use a ball that's a, that's a lead, a lead ball, put a hole in ya, forget about it.
Fritzy: Oh, yeah, I know that there.
Frank: But, ya gotta be pretty close to shoot it.
Fritzy: Well, they're daring. Well, what the hell. To, to, to hunt a deer, they don't, they don't come after ya to be close. I mean, they don't come, they don't charge ya or nothin'.
Frank: Yeah, but you can't get that close to them. It's tough.
Fritzy: There's a way to get them.
Frank: You gotta hide, ya gotta lay...
Fritzy: Ya gotta, ya gotta, ya, what ya gotta do is ya gotta start out like three o'clock in the mornin' before they wake up and ya gotta get them down there, down, in other words, downwind, they can't take your smell, your scent.
Frank: I know all that. I know all about it.
Fritzy: See and then ya gotta turn around, see, what I do, I'm a little...
Frank: And the ground can't be too crunchy. The ground was crunchy up there, a lot of snow.
Fritzy: C'mere. But I'll tell ya what ya gotta do. See, a lot of people don't know this trick. At night, you go with a big, big, powerful floodlight, the one's that you...
Frank: I know. You blind 'em.
Fritzy: Now you, you spot them out. And you cross mark them where they're at.
Frank: Yeah.
Fritzy: And now you got them clocked, they're bedded down for the night. About nine o'clock at night you put the spotlight on them. Boom, boom. And you get the glare. You see them, their eyes, they look like marbles. They're lookin' at ya, you see. And you see all the glow and the breath. Now you see the family, six of them, you see two, four, six, eight, ten. You know ya got four or five over there, ya got. So now, the wind...
Frank: You throw a hand grenade, you got 'em.
Fritzy: Eh, you don't wanna do that. But, you know, you travel a certain way, ya know. Here's another costume' just comin' in now.
Frank: Who?
Fritzy: I got a visitor.
Frank: Customers.
Fritzy: I, I call 'em a costume'. When they come knockin' on the door, it's a costume'. Tommy D. It's a friend of mine, Tommy.
Frank: [Aside] What's that, a wet kiss?
Fritzy: A what?
Frank: My daughter kissed me.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Frank: With water in her mouth.