the frank and fritzy show

EPISODE 12

The men plan to pay their respects to an acquaintance who's being waked in the Bronx. Frank cajoles Fritzy into procuring flowers, but Fritzy, noting that the stiff is not quite "famiglia," pushes for a cheaper floral arrangement. Too bad, because it probably won't include those lovely birds. (4:37)

Listen here:

FRITZY: Federico "Fritzy" Giovanelli
FRANK: Frank "Frankie California" Condo
UI: Unintelligible

Fritzy: Hello? Hello?

Frank: Fritz the Cat.

Fritzy: Yes. How are you?

Frank: Another death.

Fritzy: Who?

Frank: Pasquale's, uh, father-in-law.

Fritzy: Awww.

Frank: His wife's, uh, mother's, uh, husband.

Fritzy: Awww.

Frank: Jack.

Fritzy: I'm sorry.

Frank: Big Jack kicked the bucket.

Fritzy: Jesus Christ. That's, uh, his wife's, uh, father?

Frank: His, his, his wife's, uh, his wife's mother's husband. Ricky's husband, uh, Ricky's mother's husband.

Fritzy: I see.

Frank: That's her, uh, like her stepfather.

Fritzy: I see. Where's it at?

Frank: Up on Arthur Avenue.

Fritzy: Uh, lemme take this down. When are they gonna...when's the burial?

Frank: It's gonna be a short one, I think. They're gonna bury him Saturday.

Fritzy: So, in other words, tomorrow.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Tomorrow. Alright, during the day, I'll take, uh, Stevie. I'll take a ride up there. Arthur Avenue, you gonna give me directions, I gotta...give me the funeral home, I'll call, directions. Wait a minute, hang on.

Fritzy: Frankie?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Uh, they taking [In Italian, gifts] or what?

Frank: I don't know, I don't think so.

Fritzy: Well, it's the, it's the father to the mother. I'll send her the flower then, tomorrow. Alright.

Frank: The name is Joe Botti. The undertaker.

Fritzy: Oh, oh yeah. Botti.

Frank: B-O-T-T-I. You...

Fritzy: Yeah, yeah...

Frank: Eh, you heard of it, huh?

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: 605.

Fritzy: 605.

Frank: East 188th Street.

Fritzy: East 188th.

Frank: Corner of Arthur Avenue.

Fritzy: Arthur Avenue. Uh, famous Arthur Avenue.

Frank: The, the phone number's 584-4000.

Fritzy: Five. Eight. Four?

Frank: Four thousand.

Fritzy: Four thousand. You home yet?

Frank: Yeah, I'm home now.

Fritzy: Mannaggia.

Frank: I'm going out.

Fritzy: He just called ya?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Alright.

Frank: The, the, the guy's name is Jack.

Fritzy: Jack what?

Frank: H-E-G.

Fritzy: H-E-G.

Frank: E-D-U-S.

Fritzy: E-D. Hegedus?

Frank: Hegedus.

Fritzy: What is he [UI]?

Frank: I guess so, yeah. H-E-G...

Fritzy: Yeah, Jack. Alright.

Frank: H-E-G-E-D-U-S.

Fritzy: Yeah, but that ain't close family over here, ya' know...

Frank: Huh?

Fritzy: This ain't, uh, close close.

Frank: Yeah, but still, you know, I knew, I knew them you know.

Fritzy: Yeah, I, well, for Pasquale, he, he goes everywhere.

Frank: Pasquale, you know, he's a...

Fritzy: He goes everywhere, Pasquale. I'll go for him, he's...povero [In Italian, for poor] Pasquale. [UI] rich Pasquale.

Frank: Huh?

Fritzy: When he came here he was povero Pasquale, now he's rich Pasquale.

Frank: I think he's still poor. He ain't that rich.

Fritzy: Eh?

Frank: He ain't that...

Fritzy: He lives pretty nice, ya know, he's good. God bless him.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: That fuck. That's the only way.

Frank: You goin' tomorrow?

Fritzy: I'll take a, I'll make, I'll go...I'll try to go in the afternoon.

Frank: I think they're gonna bury him Saturday. They're gonna lay him out, uh, tomorrow...

Fritzy: [UI] what, three hours they're laying him out?

Frank: They're laying him out tomorrow and I think it's gonna be open all night.

Fritzy: They're just gonna show him for a second, then they're gonna put him away.

Frank: This guy had the liver cancer, you know.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: In other words, uh, cirrhosis, I think.

Fritzy: You sure he didn't have AIDS, or what?

Frank: Nah, no, he's uh...

Fritzy: Nah, I'm only...

Frank: Listen.

Fritzy: What?

Frank: You sending him a flower?

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: Why don't you send one for me too, huh?

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: That would be nice.

Fritzy: That would be nice?

Frank: Yeah, you...'cause I got no flower guy. I called the guy...

Fritzy: You got a flower guy. What happened to your flower guy?

Frank: He don't deliver to the Bronx.

Fritzy: My flower guy sends, uh, flowers with birds.

Frank: I know it.

Fritzy: And you keep robbing my birds. Alright, I'll take care of it tomorrow.

Frank: "Helen and Frankie."

Fritzy: "Helen and Frankie." Okay. How much you wanna spend?

Frank: About six hundred.

Fritzy: Don't give me that fuck, how much you wanna spend?

Frank: [UI]

Fritzy: [In Italian, says $100.]

Frank: Two hundred, like that, you know?

Fritzy: You want...yeah?

Frank: A hundred and fifty.

Fritzy: A hundred fifty, alright, a hundred fifty's enough.

Frank: Don't make it look better than yours, I know that.

Fritzy: I'll keep it the same. Alright...two $150 flowers.

Frank: That what you sent, that what they cost you?

Fritzy: No. The one I sent you cost me three hundred.

Frank: No kiddin'?

Fritzy: Sure, the one with the birds.

Frank: That's beautiful, huh?

Fritzy: Sure, what's the matter with you?

Frank: Right.

Fritzy: He ain't getting, this guy ain't getting no $300 flower.

Frank: No.

Fritzy: [UI] I think we go for a hundred apiece.

Frank: You're fuckin' funny.

Fritzy: [UI]

Frank: We give our money like there's, uh, no tomorrow.

Fritzy: I'm only kiddin' you, right away, you get, uh, touchy. Right?

Frank: Now listen, I'm gonna be up there probably about five o'clock...

Fritzy: I don't know if I'll be there, I may be gone. I'll try to stay because it's Friday.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: I got a tough situation.

Frank: Alright, Freddie.

Fritzy: So long. Okay.

Frank: Thank you, Freddie.

Fritzy: Bye-bye. I love you. Take care.