the frank and fritzy show

EPISODE 41

Laid up after having every vessel in his body probed, Fritzy assures Frank that everything will be alright--provided he walks delicately and avoids those damn itchy fish. And on the subject of seafood, Frank's gal Helen accuses him of sharing salmon with another woman. Note that while Fritzy describes his iodine allergy, there's a brief surge in the tape's volume--that's what the FBI gets for buying its equipment at Radio Shack. (5:22)

Listen here:

FRITZY: Federico "Fritzy" Giovanelli
FRANK: Frank "Frankie California" Condo
UI: Unintelligible

Frank: Hello.

Fritzy: Hello.

Frank: Hey.

Fritzy: Hello.

Frank: Hiya, Freddie.

Fritzy: How are you?

Frank: Alright, how do you feel?

Fritzy: Alright.

Frank: What can I do for you?

Fritzy: I just want to call you, say "hello" to you.

Frank: You're calling me up?

Fritzy: Yeah, why not? You gotta call me up only?

Frank: How do ya feel, Freddie?

Fritzy: Well, you, when I was layin' there [In Italian, like I was dying], uh, I couldn't dial.

Frank: How do ya feel?

Fritzy: Yeah, alright, ya know. I got a little lump there where they went in on me, you know?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Yeah, now I gotta put hot compresses on it.

Frank: Did you get what he got? No, huh?

Fritzy: Yeah, of course I got what he got. Who do you, you know.

Frank: Did they go to the heart or to the...

Fritzy: Of course they went to the heart. They went to the heart, to the neck, to every vessel in my body, they went to.

Frank: Yeah?

Fritzy: Wherever there's a vessel that leads to the heart and up to the brain, they went to.

Frank: You kidding?

Fritzy: I'm not kidding.

Frank: I believe you.

Fritzy: What I gotta ma, I make stories, ya know? The only thing is I gotta, uh, uh, it started to lump up over there. Then I says, well, you know I called the doctor, he said, "Well, that's a little thrombosis there." He says, "You know, you just put heat pack on it, that's all."

Frank: Otherwise, you're alright, huh?

Fritzy: Otherwise, everything's fine, ya know.

Frank: Don't be going out, it's damp out.

Fritzy: Yeah, I know. I know, ah, but.

Frank: Take it easy, ya know.

Fritzy: Uh, I just got, I told 'em, I was, ya know, I wanted to [UI]. He says, "I don't want you to, just walk lightly, walk gently. No, uh." Otherwise, I says, "Maybe I could start running with you, doc." I was kidding around, ya know? He says, "You can't do no runnin' for a little while."

Frank: No runnin'. Just walk.

Fritzy: Yeah. He says, "You're walkin', that's it." So what are ya' doin' there?

Frank: Layin' down here.

Fritzy: Yeah? I figured you got, by one o'clock you start rollin' over. So I says, "Let me give him a call."

Frank: Nah, I get up at 12. I went to bed about five o'clock.

Fritzy: Well, that's usual. Everybody alright?

Frank: Yeah, everybody's good.

Fritzy: That's good.

Frank: [UI]

Fritzy: What, what, what'd youse eat? Where'd you go last night?

Frank: We went down the restaurant down the block there, ya know.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: The old place.

Fritzy: The old place?

Frank: Down the basement.

Fritzy: Yeah? In the hole?

Frank: We were all there.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: He took care of us that guy. Marone.

Fritzy: How come?

Frank: Ya know, not the other guy, that fuckin' cocksucker.

Fritzy: I know, I.

Frank: The other guy was good.

Fritzy: Yeah, he take, he cooks nice for ya?

Frank: Yeah, we all enjoyed it.

Fritzy: Ya gotta see the way I'm eatin'.

Frank: Like a bird, huh?

Fritzy: Not a fuckin' drop of oil. Nothin'. No fats. No nothin'.

Frank: Sure, you can have a little oil.

Fritzy: I can't even have fish. I'm allergic to iodine.

Frank: Huh?

Fritzy: I'm allergic to iodine.

Frank: You gotta be kiddin.'

Fritzy: I'm tellin' you, I'm allergic to the iodine. That's why I reacted, uh, the way I reacted with the medication.

Frank: Yeah?

Fritzy: There's iodine in the, in the dye that they shoot into you. So I got very itchy. But I've been itchy. Remember I tell ya I got the fuckin' itches?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: That was from fish. Maybe. I don't know. But, we're gonna see. The what?

Frank: Shrimp has iodine.

Fritzy: Shrimp, shellfish.

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Even the fish that swim have iodine.

Frank: [UI]

Fritzy: Only sweetwater. Sweetwater fish don't have iodine.

Frank: I had, I had the salmon in sweetwater.

Fritzy: Sweetwater salmon?

Frank: Yeah, I had it down at, uh, uh, what's the name, Marylou.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: A little one, it was a baby one. How nice.

Fritzy: Yeah, well.

Frank: Down there. It was like a big chunk of, the whole fish.

Fritzy: Yeah, but it's gotta...

Frank: Fillet it.

Fritzy: But it's gotta come out of sweetwater. Salmon...

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Salmon spawns.

Frank: [Aside to Helen] What are you doin' there?

Fritzy: She's searchin' your pockets. Hello? She's searchin' your pockets. She's makin' a raid on ya.

Frank: [To Helen] What? Get over here. Sit down. What weekdays, you nut? I wasn't. Weekdays? I was there with you when I had the salmon. When I had the salmon, you nut. She says I go there weekdays.

Fritzy: You go there alone.

Frank: Yeah, I go there, uh, with my girlfriend.

Fritzy: Yeah, is that who you go there with? In other words, she's catchin' up to ya. Tell her I said, "Hello."

Frank: She knows I'm here all the time.

Fritzy: I know, I know. You're a, you're an honest, you're a good man. God bless ya.

Frank: She knows that.

Fritzy: You're not like me.

Frank: You're alright, you're a good man. You take care of your family, don't ya?

Fritzy: I take care of 'em.

Frank: [UI] worries about...

Fritzy: I take care of everybody, I take care of.

Frank: I know that, Freddie.

Fritzy: I take care of, I try, anyhow.

Frank: ...sittin' there. Sit over here, by me. Get over here. I want to look at you. C'mere.

Fritzy: You, you're in love.

Frank: Son of a gun, she got here, what time is it now? She must have somebody on the side.

Fritzy: You think so?

Frank: I'm watch...

Fritzy: Why, I got, hey, I got the big investigation company, I got. I got investigators. They follow, you'll never know you're being followed.

Frank: He's got investigators. He's got, he's got Fearless Fosdicks, you know. You better watch out.

Fritzy: That's right. I could, I could, you, you'd never know you're being followed.

Frank: You won't even know that, what, you're being tailed, you know.

Fritzy: You never see the same guy twice.

Frank: You see they wear the black hats and the black coats.

Fritzy: Yeah, but you don't see him twice.

Frank: Like The Shadow.

Fritzy: Tell her, "You don't see the guy twice."

Frank: You won't even know you're being followed.