Fritzy: If I woulda been, went over there, I'd a been lookin' at her, I'd a been fuckin' knottin' up and knottin' up. Who the fuck needed that? So I stood home. I was better off stayin' home today. So they all went and ate and I'm thinking of that fuckin' turkey. I'm going, "I wonder how the gravy was. I wonder how the fucking stuffing," you know? [UI] my turkey. You know what gets me mad? It's my fuckin' turkey.
Zookie: You shoulda went anyway.
Fritzy: Nah. I know what woulda happened.
Zookie: You shoulda told her, "You're crazy. He never said that."
Fritzy: What are you kiddin' me? I just spent six weeks not talkin' to her. I just made up last week.
Zookie: Ah, for Christ's sake.
Fritzy: Six fuckin' weeks of not talkin'.
Zookie: What a sin.
Fritzy: Back to back. Marone a mi. [UI] I'm being punished. Alright, let's talk about you. How are you?
Zookie: Alright. You know.
Fritzy: Everything alright?
Zookie: Yeah, the same.
Fritzy: That's good.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: That's good. Maria's alright?
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: The kids?
Zookie: [UI]
Fritzy: What's your son doin'? The graduate.
Zookie: Ah, he's doin' alright. He's supposed to be workin'...
Fritzy: Where's he workin'?
Zookie: ...with the City.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Zookie: Yeah. He gets a hundred fifty dollars a day, so he's happy.
Fritzy: No kiddin'.
Zookie: Yeah. He wind up on a good job.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: What kind of...
Zookie: He got it all on his own merit.
Fritzy: Yeah, but what kind of work does he do?
Zookie: Uh, he's a, he, he checks, you know when you go for the fire department? He gives you the test.
Fritzy: Yeah, huh?
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: Oh, boy, ain't that somethin'.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: That's great.
Zookie: Yeah. And, and ya know, he's doin' good.
Fritzy: Oh, that's great.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: [UI] you'd be surprised. These kids sometimes, they don't need nobody.
Zookie: I know. He got it all by himself, ya know. He come home, he says he would wind up with a job there. "Well, how'd you get it?" "I put the application. I went 'bup' and, and they called me."
Fritzy: That's wonderful. Jesus Christ, ah, look, ya see? Sometimes, uh, [UI] ya know?
Zookie: I know.
Fritzy: You worry about them. You figure you gotta do this, do that. Before you know it, they're doin' it themselves.
Zookie: I spoke to your daughter last week.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Zookie: And, uh, everything seemed to be good.
Fritzy: So, um, anyway. Freddie I got him with my goombata Meade, with, uh, the insurance company, ya know.
Zookie: Good.
Fritzy: He's going to be an insurance broker.
Zookie: Fantastic.
Fritzy: So, you know. Down the line, he'll be alright.
Zookie: Fantastic.
Fritzy: That's all. Uh, a little bit at a time.
Zookie: What kind of insurance?
Fritzy: All kind.
Zookie: Fantastic.
Fritzy: Uh, bonding for construction. You name it.
Zookie: Very good.
Fritzy: You name it, you name it. They...
Zookie: I'll be happy to give him some business.
Fritzy: Hey, well, you know, anything [UI] from, lemme tell you somethin'. Let me tell you what [UI] who they insure. Donald Trump.
Zookie: Marone.
Fritzy: Uh, George Steinbrenner, with, the, the Yankee Stadium.
Zookie: Very good.
Fritzy: So my goombata Meade, as, as fuckin' senile as he is, then he calls me up and calls my girlfriend Gail, the cocksucker. But you know, you know, my friend, you know the guy on the, where I go?
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: His brother Mario called his wife.
Zookie: Oh my God.
Fritzy: Yeah. Could, imagine if it was us.
Zookie: Oh my God.
Fritzy: Huh? Imagine one of us done it. Woulda been banished to fuckin' Africa.
Zookie: Whattya mean he called his wife?
Fritzy: He called his wife his girlfriend.
Zookie: Oh my God.
Fritzy: [UI] this is a cou, few years ago.
Zookie: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Fritzy: What a fuckin' war. Imagine if it was one of us.
Zookie: Forget about it.
Fritzy: It was his brother. Good fuckin' thing it was his brother.
Zookie: Oh my God.
Fritzy: Imagine, imagine me or you. "Hello, so and so." Oogatz! Marone.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: Oh my God.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: So it just goes to show you. The guy, ya know.
Zookie: You make a slip, you know.
Fritzy: I know.
Zookie: I'll tell ya the God's honest truth, Fritzy. I'm very careful about that.
Fritzy: Ain't that fuckin' terrible? Yeah, but ya know...
Zookie: Ya know, especially...
Fritzy: There ya go, you call [UI]. You're sleepin' one morning and you slip and you call the other one's name.
Zookie: Oh my God.
Fritzy: Huh.
Zookie: That's a horror.
Fritzy: Alright? [UI] he'll go to work on you, you won't fuckin believe. You...
Zookie: It's like I'm sleepin' in bed, you know what I mean, Fritzy?
Fritzy: [UI]
Zookie: And bang, my bedroom is the same like my friend's bedroom.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Zookie: So I jump up out of my sleep, I grab my clothes and my wife says, "What's the matter?"
Fritzy: Yeah.
Zookie: And I answer.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Zookie: "Don't you see the time, you son of a bitch, is daybreak..."
Fritzy: Yeah.
Zookie: "...you makin' me."
Fritzy: Yeah, yeah.
Zookie: And my wife goes, "Where do you think you are?"
Fritzy: Yeah, she's smart, huh? She's smart.
Zookie: I says, "I'm havin' a dream, ya jerk."
Fritzy: She's smart. Well, you could get out of it that way.
Zookie: Well, that's how I say, I answered. "I'm having a dream, ya jerk."
Fritzy: Yeah, meantime...
Zookie: "I don't know what happened."
Fritzy: Ah, I had a lot of fuckin'...
Zookie: Yeah, you thought you were someplace else, huh?
Fritzy: I wish right now, I wish I was someplace else. But tell me, we gotta go out. I told Joey, me, you, uh, the three of us, fuck anybody else.
Zookie: Anytime.
Fritzy: Yeah?
Zookie: Anytime.
Fritzy: He says...
Zookie: Happy to be with you.
Fritzy: That's all. We'll go out nice and quiet.
Zookie: I'll be happy to be with you.
Fritzy: We go and eat. Nice and quiet. This way, nobody, no wives, no nothin'. Ya see, right now, my wife is under a lotta, ya know.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: They fuckin' went to work on her.
Zookie: I know. Well, those things hurt, ya know.
Fritzy: Ah, they're hurtin me, ya know. If I want to stay in and enjoy myself with her, I can't even do it.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: 'Cause she's like, if I, "Well, come on let's go, let's do this, let's do that..." Alright, she's got that attitude.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: And she goes another way and I get, fuck it. Fuck it. Ya know?
Zookie: You get disgusted and...
Fritzy: Yeah, but, ya know.
Zookie: I know.
Fritzy: Fuckin' things.
Zookie: I know.
Fritzy: Ah, I don't know. I wished...
Zookie: What did you wind up eating? Anybody with you?
Fritzy: I ate. I made, I made, I stuffed some mushrooms today. I made somethin', forget it, I got recipes in my sleep, forget about it.
Zookie: Yeah?
Fritzy: Yeah. I took pork.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: Alright. And I mixed it with breadcrumbs and I took, uh, uh, pate, uh, a liver pate...
Zookie: Whattya mean, like pork? Chopped-up pork?
Fritzy: Yeah, ground pork.
Zookie: Like the sausage pork.
Fritzy: Yeah.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: Only it was chopped very thick, ya know, like, uh, and I mixed it with some breadcrumbs and I took some scallion and I took some, uh, bacon. Real good bacon. I chopped it up and I sautéed it and I, and I mixed it together and I took the mushroom stems, I sautéed them in and I turned around and mixed it up with the fresh meat, ya know?
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: Then I, with the egg and different seasonings I put in. And then I made all the mushrooms. Now meantime I made a whole load, I made two big boxes.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: And I baked them and they were done. Half hour they were out.
Zookie: Un-huh.
Fritzy: Meantime, I had a lot of, uh, mix leftover. So I added some more, uh, pork and fixed it up. Some cheese on there, I put cheese in there, too, ya know?
Zookie: What, like a frittata?
Fritzy: Yeah. And I made like a frittata. I made meatballs. And I made all the leftover frittatas, I made.
Zookie: Oh, that sounds good.
Fritzy: And, I, we were eatin' a few this morning when I cooked. Everything was fine. I was gonna go by, to my mother-in-law's. Don't forget, six weeks I don't talk to her. Finally, this past week, she says, "You wanna come to my mother-in-law, my mother?" "Alright." Then this and that. Everything started to come and go along a little better.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: This fuckin' thing had to happen to me.
Zookie: Oh my God, Fritzy.
Fritzy: So I bought the turkey, I bought the ham. I said, bring your [UI]. I bought the cakes. I bought everything under the sun, I bought. Alright? And she was, we, my mother-in-law was bakin' this and doin' that, and, this fuckin' thing, this. Ah, so when she come in, she told me, I ate about eight of them meatballs right away. Ya know it, so fuckin'...
Zookie: I don't mean to laugh, Fritzy.
Fritzy: I know, I know.
Zookie: The nerves.
Fritzy: I know, I know.
Zookie: Oh my God.
Fritzy: So when you says to me I didn't eat, don't worry about it. I ate all fuckin' day here.
Zookie: All aggravation.
Fritzy: Yeah. So if I woulda went there, I'd a been tearin' at that turkey.
Zookie: [UI] Fritzy.
Fritzy: What?
Zookie: You shoulda went anyway.
Fritzy: No, no, no. I woulda had a, ya know.
Zookie: You show no guilt if you woulda went.
Fritzy: No guilt?
Zookie: Ya know what I mean?
Fritzy: Ya know what I told her?
Zookie: What.
Fritzy: I says, because she got very insulted because of Meade, botherin', talkin' with her and knowin' her and doing that. And she says, "Even my goombata, 30 years, he calls this house and calls me Gail. Ya know, that's a fuckin' hurt, ya know."
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: So I says, "Look, he's trying to get her a job," I says.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: I wanna get her out of my fuckin' hair.
Zookie: Yeah.
Fritzy: That's what I says. What could I say? I'm dead. I'm dead every fuckin which way.