the frank and fritzy show

EPISODE 36

Fritzy swears off cigars, hot peppers, and hard-to-pronounce French desserts. Instead, it's bland food, exercise, and a very scary stationary bicycle. The payoff? Mr. Giovanelli's looking more and more God-like every day. Oh, and Patsy, give a ring, will ya? (4:16)

Listen here:

FRITZY: Federico "Fritzy" Giovanelli
FRANK: Frank "Frankie California" Condo
UI: Unintelligible

Fritzy: Angelo called me. Little Angelo.

Frank: Yeah?

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: When? Today?

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: That's nice.

Fritzy: Yeah, that was nice. He said, "Gee, I just..." "I'm alright," I says. "Ang, I'm comin' along fine."

Frank: Uh-huh.

Fritzy: The only thing...

Frank: How 'bout Pasquale? Did he call ya?

Fritzy: No, I didn't hear from Patsy.

Frank: Never called ya?

Fritzy: No.

Frank: I don't know what's the matter with Pasquale.

Fritzy: Why? He don't know, what's the difference? He...

Frank: Huh?

Fritzy: What's the difference? What's the...

Frank: Alright, Freddie. I'll see ya then?

Fritzy: I love ya.

Frank: I love you, too. When will I see ya?

Fritzy: Well, you won't see me until after Wednesday because I don't, uh, first of all, tomorrow I take the test and I don't know...

Frank: Lots of luck with the test.

Fritzy: Thank you, thank you.

Frank: And Helen...

Fritzy: Thank you, say a prayer. Thank you.

Frank: (Speaking for Helen, his gal) Said she hopes she see ya soon.

Fritzy: I will. She will. I'll take, we'll be goin' out. I'll be havin' my little dried fish and dried salad. You could be drinkin' all the champagne around me.

Frank: I ain't drinkin'.

Fritzy: You'll be tap dancin' and doin' everything and drinkin' the vodka and eatin' the steaks and the filet mignons and the hot peppers. And then the big cheesecakes and all the cakes and the flambe and all that there.

Frank: I don't eat none...

Fritzy: And I'm gonna be watchin' ya do all that, and I gotta be out with youse. The hell with youse, I ain't comin' out with ya.

Frank: I don't eat all that shit. I don't eat that. The woman eat that. Last night I had veal chops and a salad.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: That's all.

Fritzy: Well, maybe Saturday, if I'm feelin' good, I'll have a car come over and pick youse up...

Frank: Hmm.

Fritzy: ...and take youse out for a nice quiet little place to take Carol out and the two of youse.

Frank: Saturday?

Fritzy: Maybe, if I feel alright. Don't, ya know.

Frank: You'll be alright.

Fritzy: I'm, I know, but I'm just sayin' if I feel up to goin' to [UI].

Frank: Ya gotta take care of yourself. That's all.

Fritzy: You know, pal.

Frank: No salt, no...

Fritzy: No salt, I, you're right with the hot peppers. I agree with you now.

Frank: Marone, she was mad, Carol.

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: She told me...

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: She said, "Don't tell 'em I told ya."

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: "I tell ya, if I tell 'em, he knows you told me."

Fritzy: Yeah, but ya wanna know somethin'? But ya know somethin'?

Frank: Wha?

Fritzy: [UI] I went in the garbage and got the whole bushel out. She threw the whole bushel out. I was cursin', "What'd you throw?"

Frank: She said, "Frankie, he's crazy. He's eatin' hot peppers."

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: How the hell could you go to hot peppers? I, since I got my diverticulitis, I don't even use hot pepper no more. Alright?

Fritzy: I, I gave it up, too.

Frank: I love them.

Fritzy: I gave it up.

Frank: And ya gotta give up cigars.

Fritzy: I don't smoke no more cigars.

Frank: Give them up, that's [UI].

Fritzy: They're gone.

Frank: That's it.

Fritzy: It's over with.

Frank: Forget about the cigars and the hot peppers.

Fritzy: I did it already.

Frank: How's the weight comin' off, huh?

Fritzy: Yeah, marone. An Adonis.

Frank: How many pounds now?

Fritzy: An Adonis you're lookin' at.

Frank: How many pounds?

Fritzy: Fourteen.

Frank: He took off 14.

Helen: Alright. So that's good. It's a start.

Frank: He's 210.

Helen: Alright, so he'll lose another ten pounds.

Frank: Whattya, 210?

Fritzy: Now? Come on in Buddy. I'm 203.

Frank: He's my weight now.

Helen: What's the [UI]? Whatta they want 'em at?

Fritzy: 203. I was 220. I was 220, 203.

Frank: He's 203, now.

Fritzy: But, maybe.

Helen: What's the weight the doctor wants him at?

Fritzy: No, I'll, I gotta go down to one nine, 185.

Frank: 190 is good.

Fritzy: 185.

Frank: Then you look sick.

Fritzy: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. 'Cause I'm gonna exercise and you get robust. Because if you just lose weight and you don't do nothin' about it, then you wind up lookin' sick. But if you exercise and walk and calisthenics, then you look like a million dollars.

Frank: He wants to do calisthenics like me. He's gettin' jealous, ya hear 'em, Helen?

Fritzy: I did that all my life, Frank.

Frank: Hmm.

Fritzy: All my life I did calisthenics.

Frank: I got my weight legs over here.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: I put them on my legs.

Fritzy: Oh, boy.

Frank: I put 'em on after and I have my...

Fritzy: I'm gonna go, I'm gonna sit on my bicycle after.

Frank: But take it easy

Fritzy: No, no, no. The one that just, the one that pushes you automatically, that's the one that, uh, does your stretches. I ain't doin' the force. I'm just doin' the one that stretches me.

Frank: Mario got a rupture on the bicycle. Remember Mario?

Fritzy: Yeah.

Frank: He was on the bicycle.

Fritzy: Yeah?

Frank: He had a rupture.

Fritzy: That's the one I bought him.

Frank: He wind up with a rupture, didn't he?

Fritzy: No kiddin'?

Frank: Yeah.

Fritzy: Eh, even the other guy got a rupture.

Frank: Yep.

Fritzy: Alright.

Frank: Alright, Freddie.

Fritzy: Take care.

Frank: I'll talk to ya.

Fritzy: Bye-bye, now.

Frank: Take care.

Fritzy: So long.